Sunday, December 4, 2011

Imagine She's White

 Imagine She's White


It was hot today. Hotter than usual. Maybe it really isn't as hot as I think; it could be that I'm just nervous. My mom told me it was going to make me a real woman. I won't want to do bad things anymore and I'll be able to find a husband and raise children like her. One day I'll be able to share this with my daughters, at least I hope that is my destiny. My grandmother will be here today. She hasn't been feeling good lately, but she told me this is so important that she'd be here no matter what.

I've been looking forward to this day for so long, I can't believe it's actually here. My house has never looked so big, and I've never felt so small. They told me it would hurt just a little, but I would be clean from all the sins of my body that would hurt me more if I didn't do it. As I walk up the stairs, I feel myself start to cry. I'm getting really scared now. My grandma is holding something sharp and I'm trying to run back down the stairs. My mom catches me and tells me I better shape up if I want to have a family someday. I can hear my dad downstairs putting groceries away like he usually does on Sunday afternoon. I scream for him, but all I can hear are cupboards opening and shutting.

My aunt walks in. She and my mom hold me down on the bed while my grandma cleans the sharp thing. It still has some orange dust on it, but I know she would never do anything to hurt me. As they spread my legs, I pretend I'm in a better place. A place I'll be in someday. I have a husband and he's showing our son how to throw a football. I'm braiding my daughter's hair while she watches cartoons.

Pain. I've scraped my knees playing outside before, but nothing like this. Nothing down there. Pain. My screams are met with a pillow in my face. Why is this taking so long? I think forward to my wedding. They said I'd have to do this again at that time, but I don't know why, yet. Pain. I try to go farther into the future and think about having my first baby. Again, they said I'd have to do this then, too, but I just don't know why. Why do I have to do this at all? Why would I do this to my daughter?

It's over. My mom ties my feet together so I can get better. I'm sure they would only do what's best for me. 

In Africa, 92 million girls have undergone female genital mutilation from ages 10 and up. What if she was white?

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

God--Employee of the Month--My Turn

Prayer before Nebraska-Penn State Game

After the atrocities that had allegedly occurred in State College, PA, emotions ran high as the Nebraska Cornhuskers came to play the Penn State Nittany Lions. Jerry Sandusky, justifiably demonized as a modern-day Werewolf of Wysteria, purportedly committed the unthinkable. The establishment of an endless supply of children to victimize under the guise of a benevolent organization. How could something like this happen? Not only because it was at a university with a squeaky clean reputation, but in the world today at all? I addressed some of the hypocrisy of asking yourself this question in a previous post: The Cowardly Lion, however, it still remains unimaginable that people are so naive and egocentric to become disillusioned with the state of human evolution. Where were these sudden, "child rights activists" when the stat came out that 53% of black fourth grade boys couldn't read at the appropriate reading level? Did they throw their arms up in protest knowing 15 million children die each year of hunger? Did they boycott a buffet because 29,000 Somalian children under age 5 died in a 90-day period of famine? Did any of them send letters to Yingluck Shinawatra, Pratibha Patil, or Dilma Rousseff, to crack down harder on child sex tourism, considering 2 million children succumb to it? Are they begging Congress to address the 15 million children living in poverty in America? Did these child rights activists stop going to mass after 11,000 cases of child molestation were brought to light?

No, none of them did. However, few of these children are Americans. None of these children are fetuses. In the words of the late George Carlin, "If you're pre-born you're good, if you're pre-school, you're fucked."

You can't say that these people clamoring and calling for Jerry Sandusky's blood to flood the streets of Pennsylvania like a more morbid and less black Hurricane Katrina didn't do anything for the plight of children. They, above all, prayed for the victims of Jerry Sandusky. And what would be more fitting?

Before the players took the field on November 12, 2011, a scene that not even Pat Robertson could imagine emerged (hopefully none of the players were gay). The players locked hands, and Ron Brown released an impassioned, heartfelt speech to the Christian god about protecting the students, players, and townspeople involved in the game following the events that defaced so many. That there were,"...little boys around the country trying to find the definition of what manhood is all about." He paraphrased John 1:14, exclaiming that Jesus is the source of grace and truth. And finally, almost drowned out by the wild excitement of the crowd, Ron Brown asked for forgiveness for all of those involved in the scandal as the crowd erupted in a cathartic explosion. What an entrancing series of events.

One need not be a Christian to experience goosebumps with the rest of the spectators. The feelings of guilt, empathy, and fear replaced by comradery, release, anticipation. One also need not be an atheist to painfully endure the hypocrisy, inaccuracy, and trepidation of not only in Ron Brown's diction, but in what both the words spoken and apparent necessity of the prayer reveal about our society in America.

Wait....so attempting to think positively about the events that happened and hoping for the best for all those involved is a bad thing? Absolutely not. However, that's not what this is. That may be the pretense under which this event took place, collectively showing support for victims and insisting on restoring justice, but that's not what this became.

Many of us were ridiculing news stations by turning off the conversation of Sandusky and covering the status of Joe Paterno. We believed that even though Paterno showed immense cowardice in effectively saying he "may have done more in hindsight," it was still evading the issue of the assault on Jerry Sandusky. Maybe the media, like us, was so disgusted by what happened that dismissing Sandusky was merely a defense mechanism preventing them from addressing the intense emotional and cognitive turmoil involved in the case. Regardless, many of us were still upset.

On that powerful November day in State College, nobody seemed upset about detracting from the mythological Empusa Jerry Sandusky to come together, say a prayer, thank God, and pray for his strength, justice, and above all, forgiveness. So why does God get a break?

God, omnipotent, omniscient, and just created not just the children he claims to love perfectly, but also the monster that preys on those children, completely ravishing any chance of a normal life. We, his creation, in search for the acquisition of knowledge by either literally or metaphorically eating a piece of fruit, were thrust into eternal damnation until God, who by the way makes all the rules, was forced sacrifice his Son so that we could again achieve eternal life. How benevolent. Trading theft for murder. The fact of the matter is, God doesn't live up to the moral code of humanity in the 21st century let alone of a boundlessly good being. We praise God through thick and thin, whether we like his will or not, however mysterious it may be. God need not plead the 5th, all he needs to do is plead "mystery." Well I for one don't think there is anything mysterious about an adult  playing "pin the dick on a child." We, for the most part, can collectively agree that's fucking horseshit. Why do we give God a pass?

The truth is, god is a construct. Somewhere in our evolution the concept of a god or gods served an adaptive purpose, whether it be in uniting groups or satisfying our psychological predisposition to predict our environment or a natural reaction to the necessity to fulfill social needs. In any event, as Nietszche suggested, God is a reflection of his believers. So if you can justify worshiping a being that loves children, yet leaves room for their victimization in his 6,000 year plan, if you serve a god that allows people to even evolve a sexual taste for children, if you don't question that the Bible calls for bigotry, xenophobia, genocide, refusing to allow the lame to approach the altar, burning a preacher's daughter at the stake if she commits a sexual deviant act, if you don't throw your arms up in dismay because Jesus loves the little children, but they can't get any state money because their mom failed a piss test, if you put all your trust in a God that felt there was no better way to exonerate his "perfect" creations from the most atrocious act of trying to ascertain the knowledge of the universe than the torture of an innocent man...maybe you should take a long, hard look at yourself.

Nonetheless, most of us still praise god when things are going great, then are rebuked by our peers by questioning his will when we aren't sure about him when things go wrong. Like that asshole in the cubicle next to you that gets employee-of-the-month despite you putting twice as many hours in, god always comes out on top.

Here's why I think I should be employee-of-the-month over god this time around:

1. Janice stole my fruit salad out of the refrigerator and I didn't kill her or go home and kill my kid. (Genesis 3:3)

2. Glenn came and said that he didn't approve of my work on the Whistler account. I didn't go murder his family. (Deuteronomy 7:2)

3. Herm always masturbates in the handicapped stall, I am yet to strike him dead on the spot for spilling his seed outside of a vagina.  (Genesis 38:9)

4. My boss has a mule on his farm...I'm actually cool with it. (Leviticus 19:19)

5. I'm cool with subordinates spending their holidays with families instead of me. (Matthew 10:34-29)

6. I actively encourage people to maintain stable relationships and reject infidelity in the workplace. (1 King 11:1-3)

7. I'm not friends with Rick Perry.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Sexual Cult of Tebow

Timothy Richard Tebow. He's been a media Christ-figure, a role model to millions, all while being subject to the ridicule of as many keyboard warriors as Michael Vick. What does this all mean? What is it about this man in particular that inspires, and conversely, infuriates so many people?

We could talk all day about his lack of proper mechanics, quarterback IQ, and ability to avoid getting put on his back. We could talk all day about how, despite these flaws, he's become the starting quarterback of a surprising dark horse in the AFC West. We could discuss his work ethic, drive, and apparent unfailing resilience to criticism. However, none of those things are what Tebow is known for, are they?


The sexual exploits and morality of Tebow rival his athletic prowess in drawing media attention. He's a devout Christian, an admitted virgin, and hence, the model citizen for parents of children across America to support and to inspire their children with.

What does this say about how we define morality in America? Pre-marital sex, that must be bad. Christianity, well that HAS to be a good thing, right? I mean, from where else could you possibly draw moral aptitude?

I never fail to mention that I believe the moral code of Jesus, as written about in the New Testament, is valid, progressive, and applicable to life today. However, that's really not what Christianity is in this country is it? Forget, the morality of the Old Testament God (who ironically is the same person as Jesus even though their moral code are completely paradoxical). That guy, well, to say that he doesn't live up to the moral code of Garfield, let alone humanity. When reading the OT, one struggles to find any difference between God and the girlfriend you had at 15 that demanded worship, calling every day, and if you didn't blindly neglect your search for knowledge and follow everything she said would damn you eternally to hell, but loved you deeply. Well, maybe that last part detaches them a bit. However, the moral code of Christianity today isn't that of the Old or New Testament, is it?

In America, in contrast to the Old Testament, you can approach the altar of God if you're lame, you don't get burned at the stake if you are a preacher's daughter and have sex, you can eat pork and shellfish, you can wear clothes of more than one fabric, you are actually encouraged to shave and cut your hair (when it's not November), homosexuality is becoming more widely accepted with the introduction of the public to biology (albeit slow), genocide is usually frowned upon, and having 700 wives and 300 concubines isn't acceptable, even for the most prominent public figures. Just ask Tiger.

In America, in contrast to the New Testament, again, homosexuality is becoming more accepted (although Jesus never spoke on it and Paul, or shall I say those claiming to be Paul, referred to "indecent acts with other men," which apparently included homosexual relations but not slavery), women's suffrage began the end of sexual oppression, blatant slavery is now condemned, etc.

It has become clear that the moral Zeitgeist in this age has surpassed that of the Bible. So, one must in good reason deduce that morality is inherent in our evolution, not given to us by a higher power. If God was an American in these days, he would undoubtedly be in prison. If Paul lived in America, well, he'd probably live in Texas and fit in just fine.

However, the Christian monopoly the founding fathers vehemently opposed has reared it's ugly head and now not only affects legislation, but what morals we attribute to a "good person." Sexual restriction (which supports the theory that infers religion has become a mating strategy), going to Church, conservatism, humility, etc. To me this isn't all bad, like I said, Jesus seemed like a pretty alright dude. So are these things really good? Is the Christian lifestyle really formulated by a sentient, omnipotent, omniscient, being that knows best?

I, obviously don't believe so.

Good Christians? Evil Atheists?

First, and by far the most telling display of the hypocrisy of the myth of the "good Christian" is defined in he U.S. prison population. Christians make up roughly 75% of the country based on some polls and that is reflected in the prison population. Conversely, atheists make up somewhere between 10% and 20% of the American population, and less than 1% of the prison population. Listen, I know what you're going to say, "Well, those people are in jail, they're not real Christians." However, please also note how hypocritical that sounds when you are clamoring about forgiveness, second chances, and accepting Jesus in your life. In my opinion, this data is more reflective of the evolutionary success of liberals in generally being able to avoid growing up in high poverty areas without an appropriate education or job opportunities which makes these areas breeding grounds for both crime and religion (coincidence?).


Sexual Liberalism?

Alan Moore once said, "Sexually progressive cultures gave us mathematics, literature, philosophy, civilization and the rest, while sexually restrictive cultures gave us the Dark Ages and the Holocaust."

Why is open sexuality so frowned upon by Christians. Is their religion a mating strategy? Is it because of the spread of disease? Is it because abstinence is the best method of preventing teen pregnancies? Is it because the Bible says, "NO!" to any pre- or extramarital sexual exploits?

Well let's address all of those.

1. Religion as a mating strategy: In a study by Kenrick, Weeden, and Cohen of 902 students at 4 American Universities published in Evolution and Human Behavior, when controlling for sexual and family values, other values related to morality such as stealing, lying, etc., were not correlated to religious attendance. Expanding on this study, another study was done published in The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology finding that piety, in both men in women, was linked to the perception of a large amount of attractive same-sex fellow students.

So what could this mean?


Well, this means that conservative views on sexuality and family are fundamental in religiosity. More importantly, this suggests that conservative sexual values may be what influences people to seek out religious affiliation, rather than religious participation instilling a conservative sexual ideology. Think, if you knew you were a small fish in a big pond, would it not be most beneficial to bind a mate down with condemning sexual frivolity and endorsing marriage, children, etc.? This would also help to explain the religious aversion to drugs, which are interpreted as increasing sexual experimentation. Beneath the surface, you see how silly this hostility towards sexuality really is.

2. Spread of Sexually Transmitted Diseases: Surely we must avoid sexual promiscuity because of the prevalence of STDs in our country. A large-scale, global study of sexuality was conducted by Professor Kaye Wellings of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine and her colleagues. In the study, STDs were not found to be more prevalent in responders that reported having multiple partners. However, the spread of STDs was more prevalent in Africa, where sexual promiscuity isn't the culprit. It suggested that lack of education and adequate healthcare, as well as poverty are much better predictors of STD prevalence than is sexual promiscuity.

3. Abstinence Only!: Republicans in Wisconsin and other states across America continue to push for sexual education that is based solely on abstinence training. As if that isn't in direct disagreement with the separation of Church and State. Recent statistics show that the teenage pregnancy rate is as low as it has been in two decades. At 410,000 girls from age 15-19 in 2009, this is down 37% from 1991. This is in discord with the dogmatic belief that sexual responsibility lies only in rejecting it altogether. The amount of students using two forms of contraception increase from 5% to 9% and teens having sex without any form of contraception decreased from 16% to 12%.

In the Netherlands, where teen pregnancy and abortion rates are low, parents are much more likely to allow their teenagers to 'sleepover' with their significant others. The Dutch are much more open, rational, and less dramatic about sexuality, allowing teens to make informed decisions on whether they are ready without being stigmatized in an open forum with their parents. In short, just like as in drugs and alcohol, you cannot regulate what you prohibit.  

4. Sexuality in the Bible: One could spend a year trying to make sense of sexuality in the Bible, especially when including its pagan origins, as well as the beginning of Christianity riddled with numerous cults. However, there are some interesting points to bring up.

In the Old Testament: Lot, to prevent angels from being raped, offers up two virgin daughters instead. Lot had sex with his daughters. Solomon, the wisest king, had 700 wives and 300 concubines. It's hard to fathom how two people could populate the entire world without multiple cases of incest. Ham butt-raped Noah. Judah had casual sex with a Canaanite.

In the New Testament, although Paul talks more about sexual immorality than Herman Cain says, "999," he never really outlines what exact acts are condemned. Certainly, he never said if you have sex before marriage it's wrong. What he does allude to is that sexual immorality can be avoided by marriage. He basically said that there are so many sexual temptations out there: sex with the same sex, animals, leather couches,  that the only way to keep yourselves pure is to get married. And hey, that makes sense--married people do have more sex than non-married people.

This also helps to explain the conception of marriage in the Old Testament. Why would getting married be so important if not to prevent "sexual immorality?" Well, as we now know through sociological studies, there is an evolutionary reason. Marriage leads to a stable family environment (well, not always) which is the best setting for a child to grow up healthily and perpetuate your genetic code. However, there is no magic "favor switch" that God turns on when you say "I do." All that means is that a low-stress, supportive, financially adequate environment is conducive to healthy children. It has nothing to do with sexual preference or marriage.

Furthermore, like I've mentioned in previous posts, remember both Testaments were conceived to emancipate these religions from pagan rituals and customs that were their origins. Monotheism became the new, hot thing, and it wasn't long before everyone jumped on the train (or on the tracks).



There are many reasons to like Tim Tebow. He's a guy that doesn't have the most talent, instincts, or ability, but he has a good attitude, works hard, and finds a way to win. However, the notion that he's a virgin isn't one of those attributes that warrant exultation. So even though Newt Gingrich blames all America's problems on secularism and says we can't trust a president that doesn't pray, even though 80% of Republicans would not vote for an atheist president, even though more people won't vote for Mitt Romney because he's a Mormon than because he's a indecisive, bandwagoning corporate whore, maybe you should start considering whether your held beliefs are truly righteous. The world is progressing, with or without you. 

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Cowardly Lion and Hypocrisy of the Critics at Penn State

As I sit waiting for the press conference by the Board of Trustees, I open with a line from the beginning of Boondock Saints: "We must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil we must all fear most, and that is the indifference of good men."

Let's be honest. This is an atrocity. Sexual abuse in childhood makes a child more vulnerable to nearly every single psychological disorder in adulthood. There is no excuse for the action, or lack of action, by the Penn State staff, including Joe Paterno. How could a respected member of one of them most squeaky clean universities establish a program for young boys primarily to satisfy is insidious urges? Well, there is an evolutionary explanation for pedophilia, but that's not needed here. We all had the same twist in our stomach when we read the 23 page report. We all felt a little more helpless when we heard the words of one of of the victim's mother. We were all equally enraged when a confident Jerry Sandusky redirected questions to his attorney.

But this hasn't been about Jerry Sandusky has it? Sure, it's in part because JoePa has become synonymous with Penn State football and nobody really knew who Sandusky was anymore off of campus. The plight of Sandusky, the culprit in the matter, has been overshadowed by uncertainty over the role and future of Joe Paterno. How could a man of such incredible integrity possibly let this go unreported, even if he was informed the a proper investigation had been undertaken by his "superiors." For those that are angry that Paterno hasn't issued a true statement yet, this is first a legal proceeding and any statement that could potentially implicate his colleagues, the university, or even himself, will not be allowed. The issue of Paterno's legacy being entirely obliterated relies on two things:

1. What McQueary really relayed to Paterno. And without reveling too much in the cowardice of McQueary, what adult man walks in on a child being raped, does nothing, then calls his father? I cannot comprehend the miniscule stature of McQueary's genitalia, but the events following this 2002 incident could have all been avoided if ONE person would have done the right thing. This chain could have been broken that easily.

2. If Paterno, fully aware of the gross nature of the events merely reported the incident to the next in command was satisfied with the investigation, or lack thereof.

However, what none of the facts will suffice in explaining to me is that Paterno, aware that SOMETHING happened, whether rape, molestation, or playing swords, continued to have good faith in Jerry Sandusky without a strained relationship. Speaking subjectively, if any of my friends or colleagues was implicated in a child sex abuse case, I could not, with good conscience, allow them to continue to act in an institution that served as a model of integrity. Moreso, I could never allow that person to continue to work SPECIFICALLY with more young boys.

The legacy is tainted. We'll hear it again and again: "Paterno acted correct legally, but failed to live up to the moral standard attribtued to him." I agree. I think that anyone who is a true model of honor and principle should be held to a higher moral standard than what they are merely legally binded by. From the little we've heard from Paterno, we know he, "wished he would have done more." Paterno dropped the ball either way, that's what we're sure of.

The Board just made the decision, he's gone. I feel that they made the right decision, and if JoePa truly cares about the reputation and future of this university, no matter what role he truly played, he needs to be the scapegoat. We've seen that Jerry Sandusky isn't going to be it, certainly McQueary isn't going to be it. There is no separation between Joe Paterno and Penn State football, so if Penn State football takes a hit, he has to know Joe Paterno takes the same blow. The university cleaned house so they could move forward. Despite the rioting of the student body, it is imperative so that the players, students, and good, innocent people of this university can start to rebuild a tarnished identity. Joe Paterno would have been that last ruin, residual of a nefarious past. As long as he was on the sidelines, there would be no moving on.

I am in NO way condoning, nor justifying any of the actions of those involved in this cover-up, and don't hold the illusion that this wasn't at some level just that. But before you get self-righteous, before you crucify Joe Paterno, please don't fail to think objectively. Don't underestimate the power of groupthink. Joe Paterno's life was Penn State. If you truly can't fathom how such a "great" man could fail to report such an atrocity, you fail to imagine the power and investment Joe Paterno had in the university. You truly have no idea what you would have done in his position. Almost ANY program would internalize this, control the damage, try to pay off the victims, and if possible, move away from it without media attention. That is the disgusting reality of the way these corporations (and tha'ts what they are) operate. The most inexcusable part (if you can allocate that to any one) is that they continued to allow Jerry Sandusky to be involved with the program and have access to children. To stand in confusion of how this event happened is to stand in oblivion of the nature of humanity in our current evolutionary state.

But please... if you don't take anything I say into consideration, don't continue to be a hypocrite. Stop blaming the players and program for the gross negligence of a few men. Stop saying you feel sick to your stomach that his happened to a child. Why?

Do you feel sick to your stomach when you eat a buffet knowing 15 million children die each year of food shortage? Do you get indigestion from the canned food sitting in your pantry, or from the 29,000 Somalian children under age 5 that died of famine in a 90 day period recently?

You can't possibly watch a Penn State football game without throwing up? Between 1950 and 2002 nearly 11,000 instances of sexual abuse by nearly 5,000 priests were brought to attention, many of the priests being merely moved to another parish after the assault had been validated. Do you throw up every time you take Communion?

Solon, one of the Athenian fathers of democracy, mandated the protection of the rite of pederasty. Do you want to throw up every time you vote?


In America, 1 in 4 children live in poverty, but you want their parents to be drug-tested before they qualify for welfare because y'know they should get their parents straight, right? Or what about the fact you think that adequate funding for these children's schools and teachers isn't worth a small tax surtax on 0.2% of the richest in this country? How about that preschoolers with a step parent are 100x more likely to die by homicide? At least they don't have gay parents because it's those homosexuals that are ruining the sanctity of marriage and family, not Kim Kardashian.

How many children died in the Middle East in drone strikes? Wait, that doesn't matter because those aren't good, Christian, American children, right? They grow up and become terrorists (although 94% of terrorists aren't Muslim).

This year, Anders Breivik mercilessly gunned down 69 people, mostly cihldren, to restore "European Christendom." Are you beside yourself with anger? Did you riot in the streets about political extremism and bipartisan detachment?

You can be disgusted by what went on at Penn State, but don't pretend you don't directly and indirectly support children getting the shaft (literally and figuratively). Hey, maybe they'd have things a little bit easier if they all just stayed fetuses.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Pulling a Boehner--Jobs and Income Inequality

I'm so completely disenchanted, annoyed, pissed off, Rush Limbaugh-purple-with-rage at McConnell, Cantor, Ryan, Boehner, Republican primary presidential field, et. al. in their dogmatic devotion to Job Creators. Dum duh nuh nuh! We can't raise taxes on a bunch of people that pay the 2nd lowest corporate tax rate after breaks and loopholes have been accounted for.

What have these Job Creators done with their record profit margins, bailout money, tax breaks, and subsidies? Well Goldman Sachs sent 1,000 jobs to Singapore, Nike paid another 400 children $0.50 an hour in Indonesia, and nobody created a single goddamn thing in August of 2011. Listen, I'm fully aware that anybody who has read anything about anything knows this Tea Party philosophy bullshit doesn't work. I know it, Clinton knows it, Obama knows it, you know it, your wife, your kids, Antoine Dodson fucking knows it. Hell, the GOP and Congress even know it.

I know we all know why the Cantors and Boehners of the world defend the interest of these poor, billion dollar companies ("people" if you're into that Romney rhetoric). Lobbbbyying. Yes. Like you've never heard that before. The GOP has no interest in bettering this country. Do you really think that the richest 0.2% of households in the U.S. would have noticed a 0.5% surtax for $35 billion to save jobs for teachers and first responders? Oh wait, sorry that's the public sector, so that doesn't count. Do you think any millionaires will notice a 0.7% on adjusted gross income over $1 million? We may never even fucking know.

This is the difference between the Tea Party and GOP, "I've got a corporate dildo in my ass moving my mouth up and down like a gay sex puppet" philosopy and the Democrat proposals and American Jobs Act. We have the lowest revenue in 60 years. Corporate profits are sky high, so much so that they're sitting on a couple trillion dollars for shits and gigs. Taxes are lower than under the Republican second coming of Christ, Reagan. Why are there no jobs? Well, unfortunately, the canon of capitalism has never been to create jobs or hand out benefits to workers has it?. It is about unrestricted profit increase. Again. And again. And again. That's why since 2009, 88% of income growth has gone to corporate profits while 1% has gone to workers' wages. That's why 95% of the country is getting poorer every year. That's why 37% of young families in this country are in poverty. That's why in the last 32 years, the top 1% of the country saw after tax income grow by 275% while the bottom 20% saw it grow by a mere 18%. That's why 1% of America controls 40% of the wealth (depending on the interpretation of several statitsics).

The billions of dollars they spend on lobbying each year is why the richest 400 Americans' wealth has nearly quadrupled with their taxes nearly being halved. That's why when the Tea Party has been clamoring about "No new taxes!" they meant for the CEOs of their companies. That's why 1400 millionaires paid no federal income tax last year. That's why 25% of millionaires in this country pay less taxes than middle America. That's why Warren Buffet paid a lower tax rate than his secretary. And finally, that's why we won't see what a measly 5.6% surtax on millionaries would do to fund the entire $447 billion American Jobs Act.

I've said it once, I've said it a million times. At this point in our evolution, we still have these residual Darwinian evolutionary mechanisms to hoard resources and power. By "we" I mean our fellow human beings occupying public office and corporate scum, the least evolved of us all, whose time on this planet is winding down. Capitalism is not necessarily the problem. It works because it is driven by our own competitive nature. However, when it goes unchecked, unregulated, this is what happens. The wealth is held by a few and benefits are not extended to the rest. Trickle down economics is, and will always be a fallacy, created by the rich that have controlled Washington for the last 30 years, preaching this great chain of being, Calvanistic bullshit to keep us down. Pretending  like we don't all drive a Mercedes because we don't try hard enough or it must be God's will. Pelting us with the Beattitudes and patronizing being poor and out of work as a war of attrition in realizing this phantasm we call American Exceptionalism. This is why we are occupying all these cities. Adam Smith's "invisible hand" must have been out whacking off because it never showed up. That's why we needed unions to create our middle class and make sure workers could make enough just to put food on the table and not have to worry if one of their family members got sick without health insurance.

To create jobs, we need incentives for altruism. These people don't do the right thing without reward. That's just the cold, hard, Clint Eastwood stare, truth. $9,600 tax credits for hiring wounded veterans out of work for 6 months or longer. Payroll tax holidays for new hires and worker benefits. Money to rebuild infrastructure. Saving the jobs of teachers and first responders, you know, those people that raise our kids for us and save our asses when we're in a bind without asking for any reciprocation? $4,000 tax credits for hiring the unemployed. Allowing families to refinance mortgages at a lower rate. Tax cuts for working American families. That fucking socialist we have running our country is at it again! What do we do?

These assholes who caused and are now exacerbating this collapse and recession shouldn't be rewarded preemptively and begged, "Oh please, pretty please create some jobs now?" They should be watched like Commies on the turf of the Wolverines and given incentives for doing the right thing, not just for us, but for themselves. I don't recall electing Goldman Sachs, or Chase, or Pfizer.

Out of 21 developed countries, when taking social problems into consideration, the U.S. ranked dead last followed by Portugal and the U.K. in quality of life. All of this spurred by income inequality. If this is the American Dream, when the fuck are we going to wake up?

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

10 Reasons why Marijuana is better than Jesus

Let's be honest. Jesus is a motherfucker. Jesus=God=Holy Spirit who impregnated Mary, Jesus's mother=Jesus. Jesus is a motherfucker. But that has nothing to do with this post at all, does it? I actually think Jesus was a pretty chill cat, y'know. He sort of ironically reminds me of Tommy Chong mixed with the Dos Equis guy and late John Lennon. However, some pretty un-rad things have been done in he name of Jesus and as Herman Cain recently reinforced, there's a demographic that aligns him with the conservative movement that undermines everything he taught. The God of the Bible on the other hand, Jesus's sidekick, pappy, subordinate, and superior, was kind of a dick. He was just like my last 13-year-old girlfriend. Jealous, you have to call him every day, greedy, gold-digger, if you don't worship him he eternally damns you to torture and combustion. You know, standard 13-year-old girl stuff.

Christians have developed an uncanny ability to ignorantly spew hatred and disgust without reason. I blame Kirk Cameron. In thousands of years of use, marijuana has never been directly linked to any deaths by overdose. Even when adjusted for possible related deaths such as use in car accidents that number is well below 50 in America. This pales in comparison to acetaminophen (Tylenol): ~450, heroin: ~8,000, alcohol: ~75,000, prescription drugs: ~100,000, tobacco: ~450,000, medical mistakes: ~750,000, or seeing Nancy Grace's boob pop out on DWTS: ~27,000,000. 

However, Christian conservatives don't attack any of those other, dramatically more deadly compounds or problems. Well, I want to avoid getting political and into why weed is illegal: originally because it threatened the timber industry, how it today threatens the pharmaceutical, alcohol, and tobacco industries, how there are an array of federal agencies that wouldn't be able to maintain funding without marijuana being illegal, or the mass amount of wealth and influence drug cartels have accrued. However, outside of being illegal, there isn't a logical explanation why conservative Christians directly attack illegal drugs, in particular marijuana, but advocate the use of alcohol in moderation. I assume they're okay with alcohol; Jesus turned water into Four Lokos or something like that.

Evolutionarily, religiosity may very well be a detailed mating strategy that is upset by recreational drug use. This is still hypocritical considering the advocacy of alcohol use, even in religious ceremonies. Especially considering alcohol is associated more with reduced inhibitions and hedonism. I'm not aware of any mainstream religions using psychedelics in rituals, either.....anymore.


Anyway, it becomes apparent that if you want to be a good Christian, you have an ultimatum. You either have to choose drugs or God (although judging by his hair, beard, progressive ideology and those he associated with, I think Jesus may have chosen drugs---if he wasn't  the personification of a sacred mushroom himself). Marijuana is the easiest drug to condemn due to its availability, widespread use, and association with the expansion of the mind and questioning established social constructs. Here are 10 reasons I think you should choose weed over God :

1. Weed burns itself, not you.

2. Weed is a plant that makes you feel good; God makes you feel bad because some chick ate a plant.

3. Millions have been killed under the influence of God, damaging the free market. Millions of Cheetos have been bought under the influence of weed, fueling the capitalist economy.

4. It took God 6 days to create the universe. It takes weed 5 minutes for you to doubt that.

5. For God you have to pick up your cross and follow him. For weed, you roll it into a cross and get twice as high.

6. God encourages you to fast. Weed convinces you that might not be the best idea.

7. To God, Communion is crappy wine and yeastless bread. To weed, it's a 40 and a box of Dunkaroos.

8. God tells you to clothe the homeless. Weed goes the extra step and can actually be made into clothes for the homeless.

9. God condemns your sins, including pre-marital sex, homosexuality, indulgence, eating pork and shellfish, adultery, envy, and hating your asshole neighbor. Weed is okay with all of those things. The only sin against weed is not sharing.

10. God flies you into building, weed flies you to the nearest White Castle.

Monday, October 3, 2011

99 reasons you shouldn't ignore the protest of the 99%--99-51

99. As of 2008, 1 in every 99 Americans is in jail. We incarcerate more citizens than any other country in the world.

98. 98% of Americans make less than $250,000 a year, yet perpetuating the Bush tax cuts for the rich under the guise of wanting a less meddlesome government is fought for vigorously by lobbied Congressman and the Tea Party. Despite claims that a higher top tax rate would hinder small businesses, only 2% of small business owners would even be affected by the Buffet rule or expiration of Bush tax cuts. 

97. 97% of scientists believe in man-made global warming despite constant conservative rejection of the concept in concert with the interest of oil companies. It is predicted that 1 in every 10 species could face extinction by 2100 and recent data from MIT suggests that Artic ice is thinning 4x faster than previously believed.

96. Despite constant Conservative scrutiny and attack Medicare has proven to be a more accurate payer than private insurance at 96%. 

95. 95% of Americans are getting poorer every year.

94. 94% is the percentage of terrorists that are NOT Muslim extremists. Contrary to this fact, conservative media had no problem falsely attributing the right-wing Christian extremist Anders Breivik's mass murdering spree in Norway to Muslims in the beginning.

93. In the first quarter of 2010, BP posted a profit of $93 million a day after spending $16 million in lobbying in 2009.  However, this profit margin was too small to avoid taking shortcuts that led to the Gulf spill which took 87 days to get under control and many years to clean up.

92. A $92 million contract was awarded in Blackwater in 2007. Earlier that month, the group was responsible for the fatal shooting of 11 Iraqi civilians.

91. In a study from 1984-2006 of 91 cities in the U.S., a correlation was found between alcohol store density and violent crime rates among youth. Despite this finding, the government continues to prevent those who could benefit from medicinal marijuana from procuring it, while alcohol is stocked on the shelves. Could it be that The Wine and Spirits Wholesalers of America spent $260,000 lobbying Congress in the second quarter of 2010?

90. Kenneth Melson, Chief of the ATF, resigned recently due to the fact his "Fast and Furious" gun policy led to 90% of the arms used by drug cartels to be from the U.S.

89. 89% of people view home ownership as part of the "American Dream." However, a record 2.87 million properties got notices of default, auction or repossession in 2010.

88. Since 2009, 88% of income growth has gone to corporate profits, with only 1% going to wages.

87. Georgia's Arizona-ish immigration law, House Bill 87, left Georgia farmers 11,000 workers short of what was needed to operate.

86. Insurance companies gave the U.S. Chamber of Commerce $86.2 million in premium dollars to “oppose the health-care overhaul law." This money went to undermine health reform and the bill that would provide 32 million uninsured Americans with coverage in 2010.

85. The Koch brothers have contributed $85 million dollars to 85 right-wing think tanks to oppose government regulation, protect the interest of big business, and perpetuate their massive wealth totaling over $44 billion collectively.

84. Viacom chief executive Philippe Dauman topped the corporate payrolls last year, bringing in a total of $84.5 million

83. In the 1940s, 83 people in Guatemala died after being forcibly injected with STDs without consent to study the effects of penicillin. They ranged from prisoners, to sex workers, to psychiatric patients.


82. 82% of Americans believe Congress should take a pay cut until debt deal is reached. Not sure the 44% that are millionaires can handle the cut from $174,000.


81. In Veil: The Secret Wars of the CIA 1981–1987, Bob Woodward unravels the Iran-Contra affair in which the Reagan administration, headed by Oliver North, sold arms and drugs to Iran to fund support for the Contras in Nicaragua. North was charged with a variety of felonies and charged with three. He was later granted immunity and is currently a host of a Fox News television show.


80. In the 1980s, Saddam Hussein's Iraq was the 3rd largest recipient of U.S. aid, which included $40 billion under Reagan to oppose Iran, mostly on credit.

79. Rep. Mike Pompeo received $79,500 from Koch Industries to push for the rejections of amendments recognizing the reality of climate change, despite the fact 97% of scientists believe in man-made climate change. So much so that Dr. James Hansen of NASA was arrested at the White House for protesting the Keystone XL tar sands pipeline.

78. The average sentence for a crack cocaine offense in 2002 (119 months) was more than three
years greater than for powder cocaine (78 months), targeting African Americans. 

77. The JPI analysis of recent United States Justice Department data showed that over the past 20 years, the nonviolent prisoner population has increased at a rate much faster than the violent prisoner population, and that 77% of the people entering prisons and jails were sentenced for nonviolent offenses. This is correlated to the increase in private prisons. 

76. Apple Inc. has about $76 billion in cash on hand. That's more available funds than the U.S. government.

75. In the 1930s, about 75% of the people going to prison were white (consistent with national demographics). Today, minorities represent 70% of new inmates. 


74. 74% of Americans support ending tax cuts and credits for gas and oil industries.

73. Between 2002-2009 the U.S. private prison population has grown by 73% while lobbying has increased by 165%. 

72.
72 percent of Americans think that taxes should be raised on those earning more than $250,000.

71. In America, mortality rates for 18 procedures are 71% lowers at top-rated hospitals. 


70. 70% of employees cannot access domestic partnership benefits. 


69. In 2002, the average prison term of 105 months for African Americans was 69% longer than the average of 62 months for whites.

 68. With the $1.2 trillion spent on war since 9/11 America could have provided 20.68 million students with Pell grants of $5,500 every year for 10 years.


67. Young adults (aged 16-29) have a total employment rate of 55.3 % which is down from 2000 at 67.3%.

66. 66% of Americans agreed that birth control should be provided by insurance companies at no additional cost. 

65. There is projected to be 65 million more obese adults in the U.S. by 2030. 

64. 64% of jailed male inmates have no violent offense history and 82.4% are not jailed for a violent offense.

63. A CNN poll found that 63% of Americans wanted higher taxes on the rich to be included in the Super Committee's debt deal. 

62. 75% of scholarships go to white students, despite them only making up 62% of the college student population. 

61. According to disclosure forms filed at the end of July, 61 lobbyists and 5 lobbyist-linked political committees donated $137,650 to Mitt Romney's campaign between Jan. 1 and June 30.

60.  Our government is operating on the lowest revenue in 60 years. 

59. In August, corporate cash holdings had grown 59% to $1.12 trillion since 2008.  

58. 58% of Americans want a third party. 

57. Only 57% of Americans use all of the vacation they're entitled to, in contrast, 89% of the French use all of their vacation. 

56. According to NAS-based measures, over 56 million Americans live in poverty.

55. Agnus-Reid shows that 55% of America support legalizing marijuana. 

54. A study conducted in 54 nations, to be published in the upcoming issue of Psychological Science, shows that a more progressive tax system makes people happier. 

53. 53% of black 4th grade boys cannot read at the basic level. 

52. Only 52.4% of sentenced prisoners in state prisons at the end of 2008 were in for violent crimes.

51. 51 million Americans live with extended family.